Rey's Ranting Articles
It's like a griping e-zine . . . or something.
Warning: may contain mature content and language
I rant a lot. About a lot of different things. Mostly about stuff on bandwagons that other people seem to launch themselves on, such as sex, drugs, porn, and James Blunt. I've been told my rants are pretty funny so I thought I'd share them with you. This section is for entertainment and should be taken lightly. If you're wound up so tight that you can't even get a needle up your asshole, you might want to leave. All others, pull up a seat and have a good laugh.
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I want to start with a disclaimer: I am not anti-gay in ANY way. My best friend is gay, and I have several gay acquaintances.
But I have a problem with “fake” lesbians.
I don’t think there are many (if any) “fake” gay guys because, generally, if a guy ISN’T gay, he gets totally wigged just thinking about making out with another guy. So if I see two guys going at it, I’m thinking they’re pretty genuine. Also, a truly gay guy thinks it's "icky" to touch a woman.
Women on the other hand, have this tendency to be attention whores. They’ll do anything to get a man’s attention and making out with chicks is one of those things. Guys think lesbians are hot, we know this. So if a slutty female, attention whore wants to REALLY get a guys attention, what does she do? She engages in lesbian activities just because she thinks it will get a man to want her (woo hoo, threesome!). It’s one thing to be attracted to the same sex, but doing it just to be slutty…well you’ve read what I think about slutty people, I’m sure (if you haven’t, scroll down).
Then there're the lesbians who claim to be 100% lesbian, but they'll still drive a stick on occasion. Why not just say you're bi? Seriously.
I know real lesbians from fake ones, and let me just say, you fake ones really make me want to punch you in the face.
Vampires vs. Zombies
(movie review)
Contains spoilers
I fricking hate this movie.
I’m an artist. I entertain people. When reviewing and critiquing other artists (such as film makers), I try to see a positive side with everything, even if the creation is genuinely terrible, because I know what it can be like to receive nothing but negativity from a reviewer. However, with this “creation” I cannot say one positive thing. The movie was so terrible, you wonder why the hell someone would have actually spent money on this thing.
There was no plot. Pretty much all that happens is it switches from choppy scene to choppy scene and it’s mostly driving, talking in a gas station, and lesbian sex.
About the lesbian sex. I don’t know of anyone who would be aroused by it, so I can’t imagine it having any kind of purpose in the movie because it sure as hell wasn’t to support the nonexistent plot. The scenes were awkward at best. The actors seemed like they didn’t know what the hell they were doing or they were just grossed out about kissing each other. Either way, it wasn’t appealing, especially since the women weren’t even attractive (more than one of these women looked like a man). They didn’t even have huge boobs. I can understand the appeal of an unattractive lesbian if she has at least has huge boobs, but the boobs looked like mosquito bites. If I ever believed in implants, it would be for a purpose such as this—when the boobs are practically non-existent and still need a training bra. Even my (straight) guy friends weren’t impressed, and we all know you guys are pigs about this subject :-P
Another thing that pisses me off about this movie is the title. It’s very, very misleading. When my friends and I started to watch this, we thought, “Okay, this is going to be a terribly delicious B movie because it’s going to have epic fight scenes between vampires and zombies.”
WAT? They don’t fight? O.o
That’s right. There is zero interaction between the vampires and zombies, and the zombies barely have a part in it at all. And they don’t even look like zombies. They’re men in military uniforms and gas masks, swear to God. The vampires? I can’t even remember if they even kill anyone. I think I’ve tried to block most of this movie out of my mind. But if they do, please believe there is not that much killing and the scenes are nowhere near epic.
At the end, there’s a bunch of “zombies” coming into a building and the people are trying to fight them off. This dude literally grabs a HEDGE TRIMMER and yells, “Look what I found!” (yeah, the dialogue sucks something terrible, too), like it’s some God-of-all-Chainsaws, super-duper, zombie-killing machine. A hedge trimmer. And he actually starts ripping into the zombies with it. My God.
This movie was great entertainment since there was a group of us watching it and making fun of its every scene. But that’s the only entertainment you’ll get out of it, is if you watch it with a group of funny people who can do Mystery Science Theater 3000 with it.
Vampires vs. Zombies my ass.
P.s. I’m listening to the Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End soundtrack as I write this. I feel pretty epic right now.
I’m feeling a bit snobbish today. I’m going to get right to the point: Sluts annoy the piss outta me. Yeah, it’s your life and you can get every STD known to man if you want to, but why do females feel it’s okay to flirt maliciously with another’s spouse or significant other? I shouldn’t single out the females, males do this, too (and you guys suck, too), but since I’m a woman I get most pissed off when I see a girl trying to get into a man’s pants when he’s taken. I don’t understand why this disrespectable behavior is accepted and even encouraged by some these days.
I’m old fashioned when it comes to fidelity. To me, if you sleep with a taken man, you’re no better than he is for cheating on his wife/girlfriend.
Being slutty in general pisses me off, even if you aren’t cheating or helping someone to cheat. Having casual sex with strangers is dangerous and just plain stupid. There’s a difference between “friends with benefits” and having one stands all the time. Though I’ve never had a “friends with benefits” relationship, I don’t turn my nose up at them. At least you’re sleeping with someone you know. And I’m not one of those people who think you should save yourself for marriage, nor do I think you should only ever have sex with one person in your lie. Quite the opposite; I think you should have sex and live together before getting married to make sure there’s sparks and you’re compatible. Have many sexual partners in your lifetime, but be in a relationship before you “do” them. Going anywhere with a stranger when you don’t know anything about their sexual history or whether or not they’re some homicidal maniac is behavior that should question anyone’s intelligence and common sense.
“Ugh, Rey…you’re such a prude.”
Maybe I am, but I feel wonderful about it. Just because I don’t believe in one night stands or being a loose, slutbag-hoe doesn’t mean I don’t have fun. I’m just comfortable enough to have fun with the same person—my husband.
Also, slutty chicks piss me off because they’re always the ones whining that they can’t find a decent man to settle down with and have lots o’babies.
Well fricking duh! No man is going to respect you enough to ask you to marry him or be faithful to you when you spread your legs on the first meeting or he knows your history of being a slut and cheating on all your other boyfriends.
If you have sex with a man the first night you meet him or even the first date, he’s going to think you’re a straying whore—he won’t be able to trust you.
Guys don’t like sluts for anything more than a good boinking. Expect anything else and he’ll probably laugh at you. Do you think a man likes a vag that’s had so many men in it that its as big as the Grand Canyon? Don’t think so.
Maybe if girls would just buy a good vibrator and stop sleeping with so many guys, we could cut down on unwanted pregnancy and diseases, too. Yeah, how ‘bout that?
And don’t get me wrong here, I won’t stop being friends with my girls if they happen to be slutty (a lot of my friends have one night stands—doesn’t change our friendship). As long as they aren’t trying to get with another woman’s man, I won’t shun them or end our friendship. However, that doesn’t mean I will support their slutty behavior and encourage them :-P
Or “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt as it’s generally known. Does this song get on anyone else’s nerves? Seriously, this dude saw this chick for a grand total of 5.5 seconds and decided he was in love with her? Nope. Dude got a hard-on in a subway station and made it a song.
“You’re beautiful, it’s true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don’t know what to do
‘cause I’ll never be with you”
He doesn’t know what to do because he’ll never be with her? Like this is a tragic love story? Again, dude got a hard-on and thinks he’s in love and he’s oh-so-upset that he’ll never be with her? This song is the biggest load.
Maybe it’s supposed to be a song about “love at first sight” but the dude won’t ever see her again, so does it really fricken matter? He knows nothing about her. She could be a whore and the “other man” could be her pimp. She could actually be a he. Love at first sight only works when you actually end up with the person. It isn’t love if there’s only 5 seconds of interaction. Make it realistic. Say you saw her again a week later and hooked up. Then she got pregnant and you got married, and ten years down the road you tell people it was "at first sight". 5 seconds is not enough for anyone to fall in love, even if it’s “twu wuv at first sight” because they never saw each other again.
Every time this song comes on the radio I want to smack James Blunt (by the way, last name a coincidence? For sure).